Putting the B in LGBTQIA+ – defining myself as a bisexual woman

I always felt something was different, or wrong, with me. Growing up in a religious home that put huge significance on abstinence culture, and which directed women to lead home-bound lives looking after the children did little to improve my confidence in my own experiences. When I was in college (early 2010s), there was still minimal acceptance for anything outside of the norm sexually, and so I learnt to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself. These included ‘sinful’ thoughts about pretty girls in my class or the funny farmer boys who would help me with my agricultural homework.

While I struggled to know exactly how to define myself, all I knew was that I didn’t want to be a traditional home wife, and I wanted something more than the church could provide.

The older I got the more I questioned what I had been indoctrinated into and noticed a big increase in my sexual fantasies and curiosities surrounding women and men alike as I rode out the tropical cyclone that is puberty. I didn’t even really know there was a word for what I was feeling, until one day I broke down and confessed to my older sister that I was having ‘sinful’ urges towards women, chalking it up to ‘everyone thinks women are beautiful’. She was wholly accepting of me, answered my questions as best she could, and directed me to do some research into bisexuality.

Since then, I have come to realise that despite what I was taught growing up, I’m allowed to have my thoughts and feelings - including sexual - and it doesn’t mean I’m going to be burned by hellfire. Learning more about myself and working hard to undo the harmful teachings that had been ingrained in me since a young age, helped me realise that I am a Bisexual woman - and that’s fantastic!

While there are still members of my family that I cannot share this part of myself with, I am blessed to be surrounded by open-minded and loving friends and (select) family members who accept me completely for who I am. I can now proudly declare myself the B in LGBTQIA+ and am so happy to be a part of such a wonderful and expressive community.

So, what do the other letters in LGBTQIA+ mean?

L - Lesbian; a person who identifies as a woman, who is attracted to other women, romantically, sexually, physically and/or emotionally.

G - Gay; a person who identifies as a man, who is attracted to other men, romantically, sexually, physically and/or emotionally. This term may also be used to describe someone who is attracted to people of the same gender as them but is more commonly used in reference to male homosexuality.

B - Bisexual; someone who is attracted to people of their gender and also the opposite gender(s). Some people use the term bi+ to be more inclusive of the multiple genders besides the standard binary of female/male.

T - Transgender; refers to a gender identity, not a sexual orientation. This term is often used by people whose gender identity differs from what they were assigned at birth, or by people whose gender identity differs from the gender binary (the standard genders of female and male).

Q - Questioning/Queer; used by someone who might still be figuring themselves out, or don’t want to label themselves. Queer can be used as an expansive term to describe any non-normative sexualities and/or genders.

I - Interesex; used as a broad term to describe several different situations where someone is born with sexual/reproductive anatomy that doesn’t fit the gender binary of female or male.

A - Asexual; Someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction towards others, regardless of gender.

+ (Plus) - A way to include other Sexualities such as Pansexual, Greysexual, Demisexual, and more. This term also includes other Gender Identities, such as Agender, Cisgender, Androgynous, Gender-fluid, Genderqueer, and Non-Binary, and more.

I am so happy to see the world becoming more inclusive and tolerant of those who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ communities. And while defining yourself by a label isn’t for everyone, for me, it made me feel more seen and heard, as I could now put a label on my feelings, and, in doing so, connect with others in the Queer community.